Wasting Your Wildcard by David Wardale

Author:David Wardale
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Random House

CHAPTER EIGHT

THE PRINCE

I’ve never been a big one for royal protocol. I’ve had no reason to be, what with me being as common as muck.

My brain is full of other stuff – lots of it football, some of it American state capitals and one stubborn little spot that contains nothing but Graham’s law of diffusion, a fact that refuses to leave despite its consistent lack of applicability in any area of what passes for my life.

So when I knew I was going to meet a straight-up, bona fide prince of a realm, I needed to work things through, boiling stuff down to a few key scenarios in which I could make a right royal first impression:

The Groveller: ‘May I humbly thank You, Your Highness, for Your most generous, indeed gracious, beneficence in agreeing to talk to me. I am barely worthy of Your time. In fact, I must go. I am not worthy. I AM NOT WORTHY!!!’ (I then throw myself to the floor and attempt to kiss his feet.)

The Cultural Appropriator: ‘Prince Abdullah bin Mosaad, may your tribe increase! Zay el aasal [you are sweet like candy to my soul]. I don’t mean that in a … you know, not like … in … oh bugger.’ (I leg it.)

The Overcompensator: ‘Prince, eh? I’ve seen worse.’ (I playfully punch him in the face.)

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